Fogwell Flax & The Ankle Biters From Freehold Junior School - One-Nine For Santa

Released 1981 and reached #68 8n the UK top 100.

 Fogwell Flax

Dick Emery - A Cockney Christmas

A 1962 release featuring a number of the characters that appeared in Dick Emery's TV shows.

Yesterday the the landline phone rang, it was a withheld number, on answering it was a person  claiming t be a police officer at Hammersmith Police Station, he gave the name as Ian Matthewson, and was part of the Action Fraud Division, he gave his police number as DL 0234 ( I thought 234 that's the international telephone code for Nigeria the most corrupt country in the world) he asked if there was a Robert ***** and gave my address living there, I said I nave not used that name since 1974 (in my fist job there were 5 men and 3 of then were called Robin, so I had to change my name to avoid confusion, by the time I left I was the only Robin left, but there were 2 other Robert's), he said they had arrested a Robert ***** in Oxford Street, who had a number of cloned debit credit cards and had already spent £980 on one of the cards, he also gave my address and said Robert claimed to live there, this seemed a bit suspect, he also gave me a case number CAD2315 47 96, so I checked my accounts and there was a £200 charge on the Credit Card I did not recognise, to prove he was genuine I was to call 999 and ask for an officer recognition using his details, I thought the 999 service is busy enough with out doing enquires like this, he hung up and I got the dial tone, now rather than dial 999 I called 123 (the Speaking Clock) as soon as I had finished dialling a woman was on the line with Emergency, Fire Police or Ambulance, for my past sins one thing I used to do was train Telephone Operators, the Salutation used to be Emergency which service, and then if they didn't say anything then Fire, Police or Ambulance (there are other services accessed by 999 but are not applicable in London), she said "I will just load the police database" and confirmed that Ian Matthewson was a genuine Policeman, at this point I asked her how come I go an immediate response from 999 when I dialled 123 she hung up, I checked my Credit Card again and the £200 I thought was an unauthorised transaction  was my monthly payment. I reported the incident to the real Action Fraud.

 A Cockney Christmas

Da Yoopers - Three Months Late

 This 1988 US release "B" side is not technically a Christmas record, but in many families this was the result of some Christmas activities. When I was a teenager in the days of restricted 

opening hours, I was told that the Pubs were open all day on Christmas Eve, to this day I do not know if it was true as in my first job in 1969 we worked late Christmas Eve, I seem to remember we finished at 21.00, by the time I got home changed and got ready t go out it had gone 22.00, I would get down the Pub sober to find my friends well oiled, I knew who was with who, so when a few months later the pregnancies were coming to light, I probably knew who the father was although most of the girls had no clue to who it was, well I met my younger sister who was with her boy friend, the told me they were going to a party by getting out late I missed out on the party's, like many people at that time we did not have a phone so there was no way of letting your family know what you were doing if your original plans changed, I got home at a reasonable hour, I think the rest of the family were asleep in bed. The next morning my mother asked me "did you see your sister last night, she didn't come home" I replied "I saw her at about 22.30 at the Jolly Brewers, with her boyfriend, and she told me they were going to a party",  to which her reply was "Oh", the Christmas festivities continued, Breakfast, Christmas Dinner with no sign of my sister, at about 16.30-17.00 we were watching the TV my Mother dozing off in her chair, when the back door burst open and I heard " Hello mum I went to a party last night I have just come home to change as I'm off to another party". within 5 minuets she was in cloths changed and out again, as she left closing the back door behind her, my mother opened her eyes and asked was that ******, again she just said "Oh", the same scenario happened every day for over a week, she finally returned home on the 2nd January and things went back to normal. In March she uttered the painful words "Mum, I'm Pregnant" mother was not pleased, 3 other girls that I knew and met that fateful Christmas Eve had also got themselves Pregnant.

Three Months Late

Bob Rivers Comedy Corp - A Message From The King

A 1987 US release, this promo record has the same track on both sides one side it is in stereo the other the track is in mono, by this time almost all singles were being issued in stereo and the only time the track would be issued in mono was on the promo records, my copy came in a stock copy picture sleeve, saying that the 12 Pains of Christmas was on the "B" side. There is also a promo issued the same year with the 12 Pains of Christmas as the "A" side and Wreck The Malls as the "B" side.

Todays gripe yesterday I went to buy some lottery scratch cards, and was told that the maximum number you can buy at any one time is 10, I brought about £100 worth all in batches of 10, I don't know if this is a National Lottery or a Sainsbury's rule, I was told it was to stop people spending their rent money on National Lottery Scratch cards, I said it won't stop them they will buy 10 here, another 10 at the petrol station, then across the road there are another 3 shops that sell them. 

Bob Rivers - A Message from the King

 

Little Susie - Christmas Season

This 1956 "B" side the you tube post is also from a 78rpm copy of this record.

While this is the most expensive 45 I brought, I was given quite a few 45's some were quite scarce records, the cheapest records I ever brought were some LP's, it was an eBay listing of 100 comedy LP's starting at 99p and pick up only, the seller was in Guildford not too far away, so I put in a bid, there was only one other bid, another record dealer, and I picked up the lot for £10.07, the size of the lot had also grown from 100 LP's to 700 LP's, It was a good job I took the car rather than 2 cases for 50 LP's each, on getting the LP's home I started to give then a cursory sort out, there being multiple copies of some LP's, I think Tony Handcock's the Blood Doner was the most common one, there was a Monty Python LP that had water damage to the cover, on checking the record it had never been played, so I cleaned the record and put it back in the cover, as I was putting the record away a water stained envelope fell out, I was just about to throw it away when I noticed it was un opened, on the front it said "To John, with love from Mum and Uncle Jack" in side was a Florence Nightingale £10 note, John had never opened or played the record so never discovered his present inside, so cashing in the £10 I got 700LP's for 7p.

                                                 Little Susie-Christmas Season

Little Susie - Who Put The Gum In Santa's Wiskers

This 1956 record has the distinction of being the record in my collection that I paid the most for, I was bidding on eBay for this and another record both from the same seller, I put my original bid in then not too long before the end of the auction I noticed that there were other bidders, so I upped my bid to the maximum I was willing to pay (£30),the record was for sale by a seller in the USA so it was dollars, in those days I needed glasses for reading I now wear them all the time, I did not have my glasses, the other record (I can not recall what record it was) I got he bid right, however on this record I missed the full stop and bid $3,000 instead of $30, I did not realise until the next day when I checked the site, panicking that they may be another person who really wanted the record and would put in a bid of say $2,000 or so, I needn't have panicked I got the record for $36, I do not know why I chose £/$30 as my maximum but by coincident it is the amount that Customs Duty and VAT start. It was over 12 years before another copy of this record appeared for sale. 

The you tube recording is taken from a 78rpm copy of this record.

 Little Susie-Who Put The Gum In Santa's Wiskers

Thurl Ravenscroft & The Pixies - Kitty Kats On Parade

The "B" side of "Santa's too Fat for the Hula Hoop" in the days of the original blog, I would post a Christmas record each day until Christmas Day, in those days I used to get CD's of novelty/unknown Christmas tracks, I don't know if it was a coincident that half the tracks I had posted the year before would appear on these CD's, for some reason I always want to put an 'e' on the end of Santa Claus, I would normally edit it out, but on one occasion I missed one track, on one of the next years CD's there was the track complete with the spelling mistake, as it was embedded in the MP3 file it would be difficult for them to change without knowing the program I use. 

The Pixies With Thurl Ravenscroft - Kitty Kats On Parade (1958)