Frank Kelly - Christmas Countdown

 First released 1983, Frank Kelly would later play the part of Father Jack in the comedy series Farther Ted, from memory I think he only has one line but often repeated " Drink".

Frank Kelly-Christmas Countdown (12 days to christmas)

Dick Cooper - I Saw Momma Spanking Santa Claus

 

The only detail I have for this record is that the record company was based in Waco, Texas, Dick Cooper had at least 2 other records, the reason I acquired this record one it is a Christmas record, the other the title intrigued me.

Dick Cooper with The Little DJs - I Saw Momma Spanking Santa Claus / My Mother's Birthday [DJ]

Joan Baez - The Little Drummer Boy

Released in the USA 1966 and a re-issue in 1971, I thought this record had a UK release but I can find no evidence of it, I first came across this track on a CD of forgotten Christmas records. 

 The Little Drummer Boy

Fogwell Flax & The Ankle Biters From Freehold Junior School - One-Nine For Santa

Released 1981 and reached #68 8n the UK top 100.

 Fogwell Flax

Dick Emery - A Cockney Christmas

A 1962 release featuring a number of the characters that appeared in Dick Emery's TV shows.

Yesterday the the landline phone rang, it was a withheld number, on answering it was a person  claiming t be a police officer at Hammersmith Police Station, he gave the name as Ian Matthewson, and was part of the Action Fraud Division, he gave his police number as DL 0234 ( I thought 234 that's the international telephone code for Nigeria the most corrupt country in the world) he asked if there was a Robert ***** and gave my address living there, I said I nave not used that name since 1974 (in my fist job there were 5 men and 3 of then were called Robin, so I had to change my name to avoid confusion, by the time I left I was the only Robin left, but there were 2 other Robert's), he said they had arrested a Robert ***** in Oxford Street, who had a number of cloned debit credit cards and had already spent £980 on one of the cards, he also gave my address and said Robert claimed to live there, this seemed a bit suspect, he also gave me a case number CAD2315 47 96, so I checked my accounts and there was a £200 charge on the Credit Card I did not recognise, to prove he was genuine I was to call 999 and ask for an officer recognition using his details, I thought the 999 service is busy enough with out doing enquires like this, he hung up and I got the dial tone, now rather than dial 999 I called 123 (the Speaking Clock) as soon as I had finished dialling a woman was on the line with Emergency, Fire Police or Ambulance, for my past sins one thing I used to do was train Telephone Operators, the Salutation used to be Emergency which service, and then if they didn't say anything then Fire, Police or Ambulance (there are other services accessed by 999 but are not applicable in London), she said "I will just load the police database" and confirmed that Ian Matthewson was a genuine Policeman, at this point I asked her how come I go an immediate response from 999 when I dialled 123 she hung up, I checked my Credit Card again and the £200 I thought was an unauthorised transaction  was my monthly payment. I reported the incident to the real Action Fraud.

 A Cockney Christmas

Da Yoopers - Three Months Late

 This 1988 US release "B" side is not technically a Christmas record, but in many families this was the result of some Christmas activities. When I was a teenager in the days of restricted 

opening hours, I was told that the Pubs were open all day on Christmas Eve, to this day I do not know if it was true as in my first job in 1969 we worked late Christmas Eve, I seem to remember we finished at 21.00, by the time I got home changed and got ready t go out it had gone 22.00, I would get down the Pub sober to find my friends well oiled, I knew who was with who, so when a few months later the pregnancies were coming to light, I probably knew who the father was although most of the girls had no clue to who it was, well I met my younger sister who was with her boy friend, the told me they were going to a party by getting out late I missed out on the party's, like many people at that time we did not have a phone so there was no way of letting your family know what you were doing if your original plans changed, I got home at a reasonable hour, I think the rest of the family were asleep in bed. The next morning my mother asked me "did you see your sister last night, she didn't come home" I replied "I saw her at about 22.30 at the Jolly Brewers, with her boyfriend, and she told me they were going to a party",  to which her reply was "Oh", the Christmas festivities continued, Breakfast, Christmas Dinner with no sign of my sister, at about 16.30-17.00 we were watching the TV my Mother dozing off in her chair, when the back door burst open and I heard " Hello mum I went to a party last night I have just come home to change as I'm off to another party". within 5 minuets she was in cloths changed and out again, as she left closing the back door behind her, my mother opened her eyes and asked was that ******, again she just said "Oh", the same scenario happened every day for over a week, she finally returned home on the 2nd January and things went back to normal. In March she uttered the painful words "Mum, I'm Pregnant" mother was not pleased, 3 other girls that I knew and met that fateful Christmas Eve had also got themselves Pregnant.

Three Months Late

Bob Rivers Comedy Corp - A Message From The King

A 1987 US release, this promo record has the same track on both sides one side it is in stereo the other the track is in mono, by this time almost all singles were being issued in stereo and the only time the track would be issued in mono was on the promo records, my copy came in a stock copy picture sleeve, saying that the 12 Pains of Christmas was on the "B" side. There is also a promo issued the same year with the 12 Pains of Christmas as the "A" side and Wreck The Malls as the "B" side.

Todays gripe yesterday I went to buy some lottery scratch cards, and was told that the maximum number you can buy at any one time is 10, I brought about £100 worth all in batches of 10, I don't know if this is a National Lottery or a Sainsbury's rule, I was told it was to stop people spending their rent money on National Lottery Scratch cards, I said it won't stop them they will buy 10 here, another 10 at the petrol station, then across the road there are another 3 shops that sell them. 

Bob Rivers - A Message from the King